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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29289636">if I had only known</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/meakuto/pseuds/meakuto'>meakuto</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, DSMP, DreamSMP - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Karlnapity, Multi, Prison Visit, Sapnap visits Dream in prison, quackity has wings, sapnap is born of fire, they reminisce and then shit happens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:53:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29289636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/meakuto/pseuds/meakuto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>some karlnapity fluff to angst because I love this concept and ship sm</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>253</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. present day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Karl closed his eyes, embracing the warmth from the setting sun seeping into his skin. He laid back onto the picnic blanket he had set out earlier, and felt pressure on his shoulder and stomach. Slyly peeking through his eyelids, he saw his lovers - Sapnap and Quackity - lounging, using his body for a pillow. He smiled and placed a hand in Sapnap’s hair and the other resting against Quackity’s cheek. Karl felt Alex smile against his palm and lean into his hand, and Sapnap’s head migrated closer to his comforting movements. Closing his eyes again, he fell asleep to the rhythmic humming of Quackity’s voice, a tune he heard often.  </p><p>  When he awoke, Karl was back in his shared bed, curled up in the many blankets they keep handy, as Sapnap is a known blanket-stealer. With a large yawn, Karl stretches and sits up in bed, slowly shuffling out of his room and into the kitchen. Quackity stands at the stove and partakes in a heated discussion with Sapnap, who sits at the counter. </p><p>“Oh fuck you, asshole. Obviously steak is the best for on the go food,” Quackity exclaimed, wings slightly furrowed in anger.</p><p>“No? It’s bread. Steak goes bad and it’s shit to carry around,” Sapnap argued back. Karl stood, unnoticed by the two, and smiled at the banter.</p><p>“You’re so stupid! Bread crumbles and breaks apart, steak is much easier to store dipshit.”</p><p>“Karl!” Sapnap crys. “Tell this dumbass that bread is much better than fucking steak to carry around if you’re going out.”</p><p>“Sorry sunshine, I can’t. Steak is superior.” Quackity hollers and jumps up and down, golden wings opening and closing with excitement. “It also keeps you full longer so you don’t have to bring as much,” Karl explains, rubbing his still-tired eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Sapnap looked up at him like a wounded dog.</p><p>“B-But Karl…” Sapnap whines.</p><p>“Nick. You are literally fighting a battle you can’t win.”</p><p>“Hell yeah fucker! You’re dogwater? You’re literally trash?” Quackity taunts, walking around the counter to get closer to Sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>“Your wiener is built like a tic tac? You’re short? Grow?” Karl says excitedly, joining in the teasing of the youngest. Sapnap was hiding his face, trying to hide the fact that he was laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys are bullies-” Sapnap started, before Quackity grabbed at his waist - the most ticklish spot on his body. Erupting into hysterical laughter, Sapnap struggled to get out of his chair and move away from Quackity and Karl’s tickling fingers. He tried pushing past, but it was a 2v1, and Sapnap’s defenses were lowered. He collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles, Karl and Quackity relentlessly tickling him.</p><p>“Stop- stop! Uncle! I can’t take it!” Sapnap said through breathy laughs. Karl and Quackity collapsed into laughter on the floor next to Sapnap, holding their stomachs as they rolled around.<br/>Karl smiled fondly as he looked at his lovers, eyes still half closed and cheeks red with the bright bubbly laughter and blush that was brought by the tickle fight. </p><p>  Karl watched the fire die down as he felt Sapnap’s body grow heavy against him. His eyelids fluttered, trying to stay awake despite Quackity’s soft singing floating through the room. Sapnap was curled up into his side, having been asleep for a while. The soft snores of the youngest boy felt like a cat purring against Karl’s side and further lulled him into sleep. </p><p>  Quackity paused his singing and turned to gaze at his lovers. He smiled softly and brushed the hair out of Sapnap’s face. Karl watched half-asleep as Quackity took off his beanie and set down his guitar, sliding under the sheets next to Karl. Karl hummed approvingly as Quackity slid his arms around Karl, latching on tightly and folding his wings over both Sapnap and Karl, creating a warm barrier between them and the cool air as the fire extinguished.</p><p>“Goodnight sunshine,” Alex whispered to Karl as the two drifted into a deep sleep.</p><p>  Karl awoke the next morning to Sapnap half on top of him, still sleeping heavily. He heard and smelled the sizzling of meat from the kitchen and the sweet smell of vanilla. It was his favorite breakfast: bacon and waffles. Karl’s stomach growled and he slipped out from underneath the raven-haired boy to sneak into the kitchen. Quackity was lightly dancing to a tune in his head, and he had forgotten to put his beanie back when he woke up. Karl snuck up behind him and wrapped his arms around Quackity’s waist, carefully maneuvering around his wings, and rested his head in the space between his neck and shoulders.</p><p>“Hey there angel,” Karl said sleepily against Quackity’s warm skin.</p><p>“Buenos días mi amor,” Alex greeted his lover. “How’d you sleep?”</p><p>“Absolutely amazing, it was so warm,” Karl leaned in closer as Quackity flipped the bacon over in the pan.</p><p>“Good, I’m glad you got some rest. Is Sapnap still asleep?”</p><p>“Yeah, he was passed out when I woke up so I figured I’d let him sleep in a bit, he’s been stressing about Dream a lot lately and he’s exhausted.”</p><p>“He works his ass off for that guy, and gets nothing in return. Waste of time and energy if you ask me,” Quackity deadpanned.</p><p>“You’re right, but he’s loyal to a fault. We know that. It’s how he feels appreciated.”</p><p>“I just wish it wasn’t for that asshole. I’m glad he got locked up,” Quackity gritted through his teeth, nearly flipping the bacon on the floor out of anger.</p><p>“I agree,” Karl thinks back to the pain Dream had caused their third in the past, and what he would’ve done had he stayed free and roaming the lands. He shuddered with the thought of it.</p><p>    Suddenly they both heard the muffled patter of footsteps, indicating Sapnap had finally woken up to the smell of the breakfast Quackity had just finished making.</p><p>“Well good morning sleeping beauty,” Karl grinned at the younger, who was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.</p><p>“Mornin’” Sapnap replied groggily. Quackity set the table with the food and the three sat down and ate breakfast the next morning together, blissfully enjoying each other's presence. </p><p>“Hey, you know what? Let’s spend the day together. All our responsibilities can honk off, I want to spend quality time with you two,” Karl demanded.</p><p>“Alright Jacobs, what do you wanna do then?” Sapnap asked, sleepily smiling around his glass of orange juice. </p><p>“I want to go down nostalgia lane. See all of our old builds and landmarks. Just wander, see where the path takes us, yknow?” Alex smiles at Karl and nods his head vigorously.</p><p>“I’m down, let’s do it. I’ll pack us lunch too so we don’t have to come back,” Quackity offers and Karl gives him a happy nod. When they all had grabbed a small bag and enough food to last them through the day, they walked out to their front yard and watched as Sapnap closed and locked the door. </p><p>  They began their walk by Karl’s old house at Party Island, and paid a visit to Karl’s Pokimane statue. They climbed up in the treehouse and listened to Quackity make up a story about how the llama currently riding in circles around the rail got there. Karl leaned into Sapnap’s shoulder as they watched their other third animatedly improvise a story to them. Watching Quackity improvise this story like it was nothing and hearing Sapnap’s giggles made Karl’s heart flush with pride. The immense sense of comfort he felt in the embrace made him realize that with these two, he was at home. </p><p>  After they said their goodbyes to the colorful island, they traveled to the theme park Karl had built, and Sapnap and Quackity jokingly teased Karl about being a “simp for Pokimane” after walking into the not-kissing-booth and seeing the levers of consent. There may have been some - consensual, of course - kissing in the not-kissing-booth as well, and all three walked out with mussed hair and red lips. At the petting zoo, Quackity and Karl pretended Sapnap was a cuddly panda bear, much to the embarrassment of the youngest, who couldn’t stop blushing but would never admit he actually loved getting scratched behind the ears by his two favorite people in the entire world. The three rode the llama coaster and giggled as the wind ran through their hair, watching Quackity’s feathers catch on the air currents.</p><p>  The next stop was El Rapids - and as Quackity described it, “previously known as Mexican L’Manberg, El Rapids is the place to be chilling” - where they sat with their legs dangling off the waterfall’s edge. They took the grapes from their lunches, throwing them to see whose grape would go the farthest (spoilers, it was Quackitys). Karl sat in between Sapnap and Alex, the two of them leaning against each of his shoulders, as they watched the sun go down. Karl spoke aloud as he let his thoughts go unfiltered. </p><p>“Thank you for today. I missed spending time with you both,” Karl smiled shyly. He felt the two nuzzle their heads closer into him as he kept spewing his affection for them.</p><p>“You’re genuinely the best things that have ever happened to me and I love you both more than I could ever describe, no matter how hard I’ve tried. You’ve always been there for me when I’ve needed it - when I’m nervous or fretting over something minuscule. You’ve been my rocks, keeping me tied down and centered, and I appreciate you both so much for that. So thank you. For today, for all the days in the past, for all the popping off sessions and karaoke nights. I love you both.”</p><p>“Jacobs… I love you too,” cooed Sapnap, reaching his hand up to pet his hair as Quackity’s arms wrapped around his waist.</p><p>“Karl I love you so much,” Alex spoke, voice muffled against Karl’s sweatshirt. Karl smiled so fondly down at his lovers, and his eyes teared up. He blinked them from his eyes and held Sapnap and Quackity closer in his embrace. </p><p> </p><p>_________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“...Karl?” Sapnap asked, calling out to the man hunched over a dozen open books, frantically writing.</p><p>“Who’s Karl?” The man said, pausing his furious writing as he turned to look at the two wide-eyed figures behind him.</p><p>“Nice bit Karl, c’mon let’s go home,” Quackity said, awkwardly laughing and pulling at the man’s sleeve to drag him out of the lantern-lit room.</p><p>“I don’t know a Karl. I don’t know who you two are and I will definitely not be going anywhere with either of you,” the man laughed lightly, pulling back his arm and turning back to his books. He heard a sniffle from behind him.</p><p>“Please, I thought there was still time left, y-you were fine with us yesterday!” Sapnap weakly cried out. The man turned back around to see Sapnap’s shoulders racked with sobs.</p><p>“Listen, I see that you’re obviously upset, and I’m really sorry. But I need to get back to writing.”</p><p>“Sunshine,” Quackity spoke, practically whimpering. The name was familiar to the man but he couldn’t place where he had heard it before. Tears streamed silently down his face as he pulled Sapnap into an embrace. Quackity ran his hand up and down Sapnap’s back in an act of comfort but to no avail.</p><p>“There was still time, we should’ve had more time,” Sapnap cries softly into Quackity’s shoulder.</p><p>“We didn’t know he was gonna go back, there was nothing we could’ve done.” The man could hear the hurt and guilt in the two’s voices, but didn’t really know why.</p><p>“I’m sorry about your Karl friend,” the man started, turning again to face the two dark-haired boys in his library. “He seems like he meant a lot to you. I’m sure he didn’t regret a single moment he spent with you, and wherever he is I know he probably misses you.”</p><p>Sapnap and Quackity froze for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right, he does,” Quackity whispered with a sad smile. The two didn’t know what else to say and left the man alone in the soft blue lantern light.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the aftermath.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sapnap screamed in the lava. He had forced past Sam, choosing instead to just swim straight through to his archnemesis. </p><p>“Well hello Pandas. Was wondering when you’d show up,” Dream said smiling.</p><p>“Shut up. Do you wanna know why I’m here?” Sapnap growled.</p><p>“Hmm, because you missed your best friend?” Dream tilted his head innocently. Sapnap rushed him, pinning him to the wall by the collar of his shirt.</p><p>“You don’t get to call me that. Karl went back. He went back to save you, to save our world. He went back to stop you. And he’s back and it didn’t work and he doesn’t remember me. And it’s all your fault,” Sapnap snarled. Dream was silent.</p><p>“Are you sure it’s not yours?”</p><p>“What?” Sapnap scoffed. “How in the hell would it be my fault?”</p><p>“Well obviously you were upset about me being here. He went back to make you happy. It’s your fault. He did it for you. If you had just been content with me locked away he never would have felt the need to fix anything, simple as that. You’ve brought this on yourself,” Dream said with a grin. </p><p>  Sapnap froze. He released Dream from his iron grip against the wall, arms falling to his sides.</p><p>  He backed away, eyes widening and slowly stepping backwards.</p><p>“Oh Pandas, you poor näive thing. You didn’t even think about the fact that Karl would be worried about you. He never cared that I was locked away. He cared about you, as hard as that may be for you to believe. He wanted you to have your friend back. Were you that stressed out over me not being there Sap? That warms my heart,” Dream kept speaking as Sapnap backed into the lava wall behind him, swimming back frantically to Sam, holding back tears.</p><p>It was his fault.</p><p>  He rushed through the process of getting out of the prison without a word to Sam and kept running. He ran through the community house, past his shared house with Quackity and Karl, past Karl’s library, past every single building in the land.</p><p>It was his fault. All his fault.</p><p>  Finally he collapsed in the middle of a field filled with lavender, under the starry night sky. His knees underneath him became blurry as his tears fell into the grass. The purple flowers swayed around him in the breeze. </p><p>It was all his fault.</p><p>  He was the reason Karl went back. He was the reason Karl forgot him and Quackity. He was to blame. His inability to let go of Dream caused him to lose everything he held dear. Quackity had told him to let go of his emotional attachment to Dream, that it would be better to leave him rotting in jail, and he didn’t listen. He couldn’t bring himself to leave his childhood friend in the dust. He’d even fought with his fiance over it. He was so stupid. It was his fault.</p><p>He would never forgive himself.</p><p>  Karl was gone, and it was all because of Sapnap. He screamed into the darkness, resenting everytime he let himself fall prey to Dream. On the horizon of the field, he saw a slight orange glow. Shakily, he stood up and stumbled to it. </p><p>A lava pit sat in the middle of the field of flowers.</p><p>  Sapnap sat at the bottom of the pit. He wished he was normal, if only to feel the burn. He wanted to hurt, to drown in what once brought him comfort. </p><p>It was his fault.</p><p>_________________________________________</p><p>  After Quackity had left the library and returned to their house, Sapnap had silently put on his netherite armor and left. Quackity knew he needed time to work through his thoughts.</p><p>  Meanwhile, he took to the skies. Soaring among the clouds, pushing through the air.</p><p>  Quackity passed flocks of birds soaring together in groups. He saw one with three birds, one nipping at the others, one squawking loudly in what sounded like laughter, and one whistling a melody. He smiled at the familiarity. </p><p>  He didn’t realize how long he’d been flying until the stars became visible in the night sky. He kept soaring, needing the fresh air to clear his mind. His sunshine was gone. His sun had set, forever.</p><p>  It still didn’t feel real. The one who had brought so much laughter and comfort into his life was no more. Worst of all, he hadn’t died. Karl still lived on, but the Karl Quackity had known and fallen in love with would never come back to him. </p><p>  His home, his rock, had crumbled right beneath him. He could’ve stopped it.</p><p>  In the distance on the ground, there was a soft light. Curious, he flew towards it, gliding down the stratosphere gently. As he landed on the bank of what he discovered to be a lava pit, he saw familiar netherite armor on the grass near the magma.</p><p>  Quackity sat, waiting for the raven-haired boy to resurface. He stared into the lava, wondering where he went wrong. What he could’ve done better. He thought about all the times he’d fought with Sapnap in front of Karl, making the oldest nearly cry with worry. Quackity was never the most affectionate, and threw more insults than he said “I love you.” All he’d ever wanted was to protect his lovers, and he couldn’t even do that. He couldn’t protect them from themselves. Sapnap was stuck in an endless cycle of hurt with his loyalty to Dream, and Karl had succumbed to the weight of his time travelling; he couldn’t save them. </p><p>He laughed bitterly at the irony.</p><p>  It was a long sleepless night before Sapnap resurfaced, eyes and cheeks crusted over with obsidian, a result of crying into hot magma.</p><p>“Hey,” Quackity said hoarsely, voice weak from the hours of sobbing and screaming at air.</p><p>“Quackity? Could you, could you help,” Sapnap called out, arms grasping at the bank. Quackity’s heart broke at how defeated the once passionate boy was.</p><p>“Of course mi amor, come to my voice,” Quackity said, reaching out to help Sapnap out of the lava pit.</p><p>“Thank you.” Quackity carefully removed the crackled obsidian from Sapnap’s eyes, making sure not to rip his skin off in the process. The boy already had enough scars.</p><p>“Have you been here the whole time?” Quackity asked. Sapnap’s eyes widened for a minute.</p><p>“...No. I went to see Dream. I’m sorry,” Sapnap started as he saw Quackity’s eyebrows furrow angrily. “I had to blame it on someone. I didn’t want to admit that it was all my fault. And it kinda just proved the opposite.”</p><p>“Your fault? Sap, it could never be your fault. It was mine; I was supposed to protect the two of you and I failed.”</p><p>“What? No, Alex, you’re wrong. I was too obsessed with Dream and Karl wanted to fix things for me. It’s my fault, I should’ve just gotten over it.”</p><p>“Sapnap, you’re loyal to a fault. You couldn’t have. I should’ve stopped him from going back again. But neither of us knew what he had planned.”</p><p>“I won’t let you put this on yourself, if anything both of us are to blame.”</p><p>“...Fine,” Quackity resolved, reaching his arms out. Sapnap saw the prompt and hugged Quackity tight. They’d both make mistakes. But maybe with time they could make ends meet. They could meet each other in the middle, and fix things.</p><p>Somewhere in between.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wanted to include sorta what happened after they left Karl in the library. Switching from Sapnap to Quackity POV was fun and seeing how they would react to emotional conflict was a good character study lmao</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi :) I’m sorry (not) if I hurt your feelings. anyways pls enjoy like 3k words of projecting</p></blockquote></div></div>
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